Building Empathy Across Teams

I want to start off by saying that I often hear people get empathy and sympathy confused, or they use the terms interchangeably. So, let’s make sure we are of the same understanding of what the difference is.

Sympathy is feeling sorry for someone, or having pity on them.

Empathy is being able to sit with someone in their experience.

Empathy is not something you can espouse onto others. In order to have empathy in the workplace, and across teams, you need to have empathy within.

What does empathy look like?

· Sitting with someone in their experience.

· Paraphrasing what they are saying, and validated their feelings.

· Asking them what they need.

· Providing follow up support/check-ins.

· Being authentic.

What empathy is not:

· Giving advice or telling someone what they should do.

· Making comments such as “well at least you’re not ….” Or “it could be worse”

· Avoiding the person because the situation makes you uncomfortable.

· Taking on other people’s hurt, pain or struggles.

So… how can you as a leader develop empathy within, so that you can model the way for others and inspire it across teams?

1. Look at your own life.-when you were going through difficult situations, how did you show up for yourself?-how did others show up for you?-what was helpful, unhelpful about that?-when faced with difficult situations, how have you typically responded?-do you run from your problems, or do you sit with them in reflection?

2. Reflect on your internal messaging.-when dealing with a situation, what messaging did you give yourself?-was it positive or negative?-if those messages were negative- where did those internal messages come from?-what do you think you could have done or said differently during that time to have improved the situation?

3. Examine your behaviour.-when dealing with situations, how did you show up for yourself or behave?-did you lash out at other people?-were you calm?-how did you demonstrate empathy for yourself?-what about your behaviours would you change so that you could have shown up different for yourself?

4. Take a dive into your mental models.-take a deep look at your belief systems (likely stemming from childhood, and also known as your core beliefs, so it may take some work to examine these in detail).-when hardship occurs, what was your belief system? What were you told to believe? (i.e. “man up”, “boys don’t cry”, “girls are too emotional”, “you’re just being emotional”, “you don’t go to counselling, just get over it”, etc.).-what belief systems can you change to show up more empathetically for yourself and others?

This process allows you to engage in feedback loops, which can help with empathy.

How so?

Engaging in ongoing internal reflection increases our self-awareness and strengthens our ability to receive feedback from others. It reminds us that how we show up may not always be what someone needs in that moment. This process creates the space to ask more intentional questions—such as “How can I support you?” or “What do you need from me right now?” Rather than reacting or taking things personally, we are better able to respond with clarity, care, and purpose. In doing so, we can offer support that is grounded, responsive, and aligned with what the individual is truly navigating and needs most.

By working through these four simple steps, leaders and team members can become more aware of the core beliefs they carry—and how those beliefs shape the internal messages they tell themselves about who they are and how they view others. This level of self-awareness allows us to reflect on how we have shown up for ourselves, particularly in moments of stress or challenge, and to consider how we might show up differently for others in their circumstances. When empathy begins within, it becomes easier to lead, collaborate, and respond to one another with understanding, care, and intention across our teams.