Honest Mirrors & Supportive Mirrors

“Honest mirrors show us what we look like right now. When we are not at our best and our bedhead is bad. It’s a true reflection about what others saw today, when we are stressed, distracted, and leaking with frustration. Yes, you really did come across that way. It’s not a good thing”.

“Supportive mirrors show us as our best self. In the perfect lighting, and well rested. We go to a supportive mirror for re-assurance. Yes, that’s how you acted in the moment, it wasn’t a pretty picture, but it’s not really how you look. It’s not a big deal, it’s a bad picture of you. Throw it away. You’e a good person”.

These quotes come from the book “Thanks for the Feedback'“. If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend you do.

I share these quotes because they resonated with me, and I wanted to share the lesson I learned a few years ago. A lesson of self-forgiveness and the ability to lean into both mirrors.

I was asked to present to chief and council of a reserve not too far from my community. I was elated. I loved sharing what our program did, the successes, and exploring ways that we could collaborate with other communities to help tackle the drug crisis in a meaningful way, while truly offering rehabilitation. I brought one of our Indigenous graduates, our duty counsel (lawyer), and RCMP liaison officer along for the presentation.

As I always do, I begin my presentation with a land acknowledgement. But, I used my communities land acknowledgement, which was not necessarily wrong, as I was still in Blackfoot territory, but I should have recognized the specific nation that I was on, and left some of other stuff out because it was not really relevant (i.e. acknowledging which region of the Metis resided there). I was immediately challenged by one of the council members. I had never felt more embarrassed and ashamed in my life. I apologized and acknowledged my wrongdoing, but for some reason I did not feel like it was enough. These acknowledgements mean a lot to me, and respecting the individuals and nations that are welcoming me onto their land/into their communities.

For those that are unaware, one of the many recommendations and calls for action from the Truth and Reconciliation Commission was to give territorial land acknowledgements. Some people and organizations have taken a check box approach to this recommendation, however, that is not my approach. I provide land acknowledgements because I feel it’s important to give recognition to the people; past, present and future. There is so much history to our lands and the communities we call home. I do it out of respect.

I continued presenting, while carrying the guilt and embarrassment all the way through. I tried to not let it show and impact the information I was sharing, but I was really worried it may impact our relationship and collaboration moving forward.

After the presentation, I continued to apologize. I was gifted with a pin, and they told me that it was okay, and not to worry about it. Some did not say anything, which was to be expected. I should have trusted their words, but I continued to beat myself up. As we were leaving, our graduate poked fun at me, as did our duty council. our RCMP officer even made a comment. It was in good fun, but it jabbed that sword deeper into my stomach. I had their respect, but I was still really upset with my “performance”.

For months. I shared this story with a few people. Some laughed at me, some with me, but a few people said things that stuck with me. One of which was “you care so much about how you show up and the reconciliation work, which is why you feel so terrible, but it’s time you move past that. It’s an honest mistake”. I reflected on that, and eventually it resonated me. She was right. I owned my mistake, and apologized. I made notes and made sure I changed my presentations ahead of time if I was going into different communities, outside of my own, so that it wouldn’t happen again. I was authentic and apologetic, and that is all I could really do. The rest was out of my control.

A few months later, I got a call from two of the counsellors, one of whom was the one to call me out during my presentation months earlier. They asked to do some work together for addiction awareness week, and to plan a candelight vigil for those we have lost to overdose. I felt such a sense of relief. While one of the individuals and I still chuckled about it and he re-assured me that it was okay, he knew that I was sincere in my apology, it was a huge moment for me and my leadership.

I had an honest mirror held up to me that day. But I also had a supportive mirror. The supportive one continued to show up later as I continued to share my story and my efforts to make it right and own what I did.

Moral of the story- we are going to mess up, make mistakes, even unintentionally. What we do with that mistake and how we show up in the moment and afterwards is what matters.